Tragedy.

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By the time this is posted it will have been about 2 weeks since this happened, but here is what it’s really like living in a small town.

March 15th, 2016 tragedy struck our town. It was blasted all over the news about a serious house fire that happened early that Sunday morning killing 5 young adults leaving one survivor. Crazy right?! What on Earth could have been going on for none of them to escape?! Honestly, my first thought was that it was really a math lab that had blown up. (This town is eat the hell up with meth and all other types of drugs.) The story going around was that while out getting the group some breakfast, the home had caught on fire. Immediately the Georgia Bureau of Investigation was called in as well at state Fire Marshalls, crime lab crews, anyone and everyone who could lend a hand getting this case solved. Days later and amidst the rumors the truth came to light. The lone survivor (which happens to be someone I went to high school with) did it. A neighbor’s security camera actually caught him walking back into the house after walking out to his truck. He shot them and burned down the home to try to cover it up. (There are so many other small details that have been spread around, but due the nature of my blog I’d rather not mention those here.) What possesses someone to be that cruel? To harm another human being to that extent? It’s sickening.

People say, “this is a small town, things like that don’t happen here.” That’s where you’re wrong! It’s always a small town! That’s why people do the things they do. They figure that it’ll just get covered up because it’s “just a small town.” That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. If you commit a crime, you will pay for it. This guy will never see the light of day again. He ruined his life by taking 5 others. What a shame. Don’t let the fact of it being a small town blind you from the reality that bad things will happen regardless. Just because you know someone doesn’t mean a damn thing in reality. You can’t trust anyone these days. That guy called those 5 people some of his best friends and look how that turned out.

Keep your babies close and continue to spread love and positivity. We need it these days. ♥

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Snapshot Sunday: Dip Dying

Tomorrow is Memorial Day and well, several things led me to today’s DIY shenanigans. I came across some patriotic ombre shorts at Wal-Mart last summer. Of course, I wanted them but they were too short for my liking and I just didn’t want to pay nearly $15 for something I could do myself. Time went by and I never bought those shorts or the stuff to do them myself. This year, however, I was determined to do them. I looked up Pinterest links and YouTube tutorials and finally settled on this one. I modified it to fit me and my shorts turned out great!

I used liquid RIT dye in the colors Royal Blue and Cherry Red. I wanted a truer blue than the color she used in the video. I did the process just like she did, the only thing I did a little different was just using hot water from my Keurig rather than boiling it on the stove. I also omitted the star-shaped studs. Now, one things I will mention, be sure to rinse until the water is clear!! (Also wring them out as you rinse to really make sure all the extra color gets out!) I thought I rinsed them well enough and got most of the excess color out but when I took them out of the washer I noticed that some of my colors ran down into the white section. No biggie, I just know what to do better next time! So, RINSE RINSE RINSE!!! Then wash and dry as normal. (I’d show my complete pair, but they are in the dryer as we speak…er, type.)

Not only did I complete my DIY shorts, I also made a short list of some things I’m making for tomorrow. I’ve really been wanting some good pasta salad and cheesecake! So I looked up some good recipes on Pinterest.

For the Pasta Salad I really just decided to wing it. I bought red onion, green bell pepper, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, broccoli, and rotini pasta. Tonight I prepped all of my veggies except for the broccoli, I’ll blanch it tomorrow morning. I just gave them a rough chop and have them marinating over night in some italian dressing. I also have some of the Salad Supreme seasoning to go in it as well. It’s gonna be super yummy!!

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This is a container of cherry tomatoes cut in half, half a red onion diced, a medium sized bell pepper diced, and a whole peeled diced cucumber.

I also made my cheesecakes and some red, white, and blue layered rice krispie treats! I was planning on cutting the rice krispies into star shapes but they turned out a lot thicker than Iwa expecting and my cookie cutter isn’t very tall. Oh well. All we need now is some fresh strawberries for the cheesecake!

 

I’m also planning on making some lemon and cucumber flavored water. Not sure yet, but it sounds delicious being the weather will be nice and warm. Plus I have the perfect pitcher for it!

I hope you have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend! We’ll be spending ours eating BBQ and putting our new pool up! Be Safe and Have A Blast! ♥

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Excuse Me While I Pout.

It’s funny how things change in a matter of weeks. Like how you go from loving me, and missing me, to a whole new person. It makes no sense, so excuse me while I pout over it all. You weren’t here, we never made anything official. I wanted to wait until you came back home. You know, talk things out, make sure there really was something there after all these years of being apart. Wrong. I went without talking to you. My bad. In my defense I told you that sometimes I do that. Sometimes I just don’t talk to people. It’s not that I do it on purpose, or even really realize that I’m doing it. It just happens. What really gets me is how you didn’t even check on me. I told you me problems and instead of making sure I was okay, that everything was fine, you just embraced the silence.

You make her your “Woman Crush Wednesday” and say how really she’s your “True Friend Tuesday” and continue to list all these things about her that you told me. Word for fucking word. Beautiful. Smart. Headstrong. You mention how “proud” you are of her for making the Dean’s list for whatever she’s going to school for. Ah, that’s nice. You told me the same, too. Told me several times how “strong” I am for working, going to school, and raising a child on my own. You say, “I don’t know how you do it, Ashlee.” Every time  I gave the same response, “hell, neither do I.” Forgive me for sounding bitter, but this just plain sucks.

I’ll give it to you though, she’s pretty. Her smile is a little weird but hey, whatever. Am I the only one who thinks she looks like me, too? Blonde hair, blue eyes, round cheeks…no? Okayyy. Not gonna lie, part of me really wants to see this crash and burn for you. Just so I can see you down and hurt like I feel now. Feeling like I’ve lost so much when really there was nothing there. I feel like I just got dumped when really, we were never an item. I got so invested emotionally with someone, with you, for you to turn around and just slap me in the face with someone new. Someone there. I’m sorry I couldn’t just pack my shit and move 600+ miles. Don’t get me wrong, I totally could have but what was I gonna do if it just went to shit? Walk home? Nah, I’ll pass. I just asked for time to finish school, to which you agreed. I really should have seen this all coming though, ya know…especially when you mentioned the whole “I would never ask someone to wait on me” bullcrap. Come on.

It’s whatever. It’s over. It’s done. Let’s move on. In the end, I really just hope you wind up happy. I hope you find what you’re looking for in a woman, just excuse me while I pout. ♥

Having Patience.

If there is one thing I lack in life its patience. I am a very impatient with both my temper and, well, life in general. I hate how slow it seems things are going. Sometimes I hate scrolling through Facebook because of it. Don’t get me wrong, I find it very exciting for people I know graduating college, getting new jobs, getting engaged… But at the same time I feel so very jealous. I see it as, I’m nearly 25, when is my life going to really start? Sure, I’m in college, but I just have this feeling like I’ll never find a major that fits me. Just today I saw where someone I graduated with recently graduated college and has just received her first teaching job. How great for her to have everything figured out! I just wish I could do the same. What if I should be in education? Is that what fits me better? Those are just some of the thoughts that constantly go through my mind every. single. day. (Truth be told though, I may have too much of a potty mouth to be a teacher. Ha!!)

Every day I constantly have to remind myself to have patience. Life will get figured out. I will finish school, find a better job, life will send me my person to share my life with. I have to keep thinking positively. I’m *just* 25, my life is not over. So what if I don’t have it all figured out, it’s okay!! This is not the end of the world! I am not at the end of my rope..yet. If you’re feeling down and out because you don’t have things together yet, have patience. It will come in due time.

 

I’d rather be lonely than waste my time.

This is going to stem from my post the other day about growth and understanding. After I published that post I really got to thinking. As much as I really hate to be alone, to be without a partner, to feel like I’ll never get my “happily ever after,” it damn sure beats the hell out of wasting my time on someone.

While I love getting to know people and going out on dates, sometimes I have a hard time getting myself to follow through with plans. Besides not wanting to be away from Link, I just don’t want to waste my time. If you’re looking for a booty call or you aren’t serious about settling down, move along. I don’t need to waste my time with you. It’s bad enough I’m tearing myself away from valuable time with my child, please don’t try entertain me with your childishness. Honestly, dates are giving you the chance to get to know someone on serious note. Most people go on dates because they are getting ready to settle down with someone. They’re taking you out to get to know you better. I don’t give my time to just anyone, hell, even the people I know best don’t get very much of my time.

There’s this friend of mine that I’ve known for years. He is very serious about a relationship, he would be a wonderful father for Link, an amazing husband to me, but…I just can’t bring myself to spending time with him. It has nothing to do with him as a person, it’s me. I get so super nervous. Part of me will be so super psyched to go see him and hang out but I’ll bail last-minute. I did it recently. I feel terrible for it. This person is trying to give me everything I want but I can’t bring myself to do the same. What is wrong with me? I know what it is… I don’t want to feel like time is wasted. I wasted 8 months of my life with the last guy I dated and I’m terrified that it’ll happen again. All that time to end up not feeling a thing, all that time down the drain, all that time that could have been spent with someone else.

Don’t waste your time. Go out and find what’s best for you regardless of what it may be. As much as I hate to feel lonely, maybe it’s best for me right now. ♥

Thank You.

IMG_3163It’s never easy being a single parent. When I’m at my wit’s end or I’m all “in my feelings” I like to take some time to step back and think. That’s what has led me to this post. I wanted to thank the person who left me to do this all alone.

Thank you to the one who helped me make this child. Thank you for that cute little chin, his height, and his cute (yet big) feet. Thank you for his curly hair because, let’s face it, he definitely didn’t get it from me. Thank you for leaving me to do this alone, even though I didn’t ask for it. Thank you for letting me acquire all his love, sloppy kisses, and tempter tantrums. Thank you for showing me the kind of person you really are so that my son wouldn’t have to see it. Thank you for leaving so that he won’t be left with disappointment when you don’t show. He doesn’t know who you are, and personally, I’d like to keep it that way. Thank you for not contacting me, it’s made it that much easier to cut you out of out lives. Oh, and thanks for doing that solely on your own, I always promised to be civil, but we never hear from you. Thank you for showing me what it truly takes to be a parent.

Thank you for everything and nothing at all.

Growth&Understanding.

I dated my ex for 3 and a half years. After our break up it was nearly 8 months before I decided to venture out and date again. So I started talking and eventually started dating a guy I work with. That lasted 8 months. It was the emptiest 8 months of my life. That was an easy break up for me. I thought I really felt something with him, but the longer we dated the less I felt. Speed up to current time and I’m still just as empty.

At the beginning of this year I began talking to an old friend of mine. We started dating about a year after I graduated high school and it lasted a few months. Anywho, things sparked with us again but it was more difficult this time. When we first started back talking he was considering a big move. I knew it would be good for him and I was a tad jealous of him being able to give himself a total new start. New town, new job, new life. Having Link makes things like that harder for me to do. So, he moved. 600 miles away. We continued to talk and all the feelings came back. All the reasons why I first loved him were coming back strong and clear as ever. I loved him all over again. So we talked and we told each other every day how much we missed and loved each other. It felt so good. I thought, “this is it..I have found my forever.” And then it happened. I went ghost on him. I just didn’t text him one day, I got bust, but he didn’t text me either. After about a week of no talking I finally messaged him and it was too late. He found someone new. And it broke my heart.

Why. Why did it break my heart so bad? I mean, he’s 600 miles away. We didn’t know when we’d get a chance to see each other. Maybe what my best friend said is true, maybe it’s best to not go backwards. I hate myself for being so upset about it. It doesn’t make sense to me to be upset by something that I kind of had no control over. Maybe I shouldn’t have just stopped talking to him, but in my defense I warned him. I warned him that something I just won’t talk to people, that I will just want to be completely alone. He didn’t even check on me to see if I was okay. After I told him all my problems with my touch of anxiety and depression. He just moved on. And it hurts so badly.

I think that maybe sometimes we aren’t meant to understand it all. Some things in life should remain untouched, some should remain a mystery. Growing up doesn’t always have to mean letting go, but it’s okay if you do. ♥

Finding Myself.

I’m just about halfway to being 25. I’m *still* in college (there’s been a few breaks here and there, had a kid, ya know, typical setbacks). To tell you the truth I can’t find a damn thing out there that truly, truly fits me. I’ve has people give me advice after advice about finding a major; “pick something that you wouldn’t mind doing for free, that you love.” Yeah, no. I can’t find anything at all that I would mind doing for free. So here I am, it’s almost my third full year in college and I have changed majors for the third time.This time I’m sticking with it. I keep telling myself that I can always go back for something better, and I will…just as soon as I get done with the first degree.

I’m halfway to 25 and I have never been more confused and indecisive and impatient in my life. I’m half and half on nearly everything. Half of me would love to settle down and the other half is perfectly content if it stays just the two of us (The Toddler and I) forever. Truth is, I really need to find myself first. The more each day goes by the more I feel so clueless about me. Where the hell is my life headed? Why do I feel so alone? I just want my happiness.

So here’s to finding myself. ♥

Snapshot Sunday

IMG_3126This is my everything. My heart. My Link. ♥ He is currently 2 and a half and wild as ever. I love him more than anything in this world. More than I could ever love myself. The moment he entered this world I knew what true love was. I know that may be a bit of a cliché but it’s true. It was hard work getting him into this world, but I am so very thankful for him. He’s the reason I keep going. He’s the reason I stay so stressed, and I mean that in the best possible way. Between school and work and raising a child on my own, I stay more stressed than one person probably should. But it’s for the best possible reason: Link.

Being a mother has been the greatest part of my life. My heart has never been so full. Every time I sit and think about how much I love him I can’t help but wonder how on Earth my heart could ever hold more love for more children or even a husband. My heart grows bigger each day with the love I have for my sweet boy.

It’s true what they say, there’s nothing like a Mother’s Love.