This is the story of my child’s father and I.
Be prepared, this is gonna be a long one.
How We Met.
We met in March of 2011. My best friend and I were going through a friend of ours’ pictures and came across his. (We were all mutual friends.) She is a lesbian so the fact that she had a half-naked guy’s picture on her phone threw us for a loop. We s
started joking with her saying how “hot” he was, to which she replied that he only lived “right down the road.” So, she called him up and he came down to meet us. We all exchanged numbers and went about our business.
At first I didn’t want a relationship, I didn’t want anything with him really. He called it playing hard to get, I called it not being interested. Eventually the more we hung out the more “attracted” we got to each other. It took two weeks for me to fall head over heels for him. I know, two weeks is a very short time, but I had never felt like that about anyone before.
On April 3 we made it official that were a couple, two weeks later he was supposed to leave for Army Basic Training. So time went by, we got closer, we fell more in love, and then it was time for him to leave. He did and then came right back a day later. He had smashed his finger in a car door and even with clearance from doctors, they (MEPS) still didn’t want him to leave. He received a new ship date of early October. I was ecstatic I got him for a few more months! I knew it was going to hurt really bad to see him go, but he signed up before we met and there was nothing I could do, so I just took advantage of the extra time.
Speed up to October and it was nearing his last few days. I went back to stay with him for a few days up until he left. It was hard, but hell, he would only be gone for a few weeks. We talked about getting married once he was stationed somewhere so that gave me something to both look forward to and keep me busy while he was away. After he was finished with BT, we went and stayed with his Mom in West Virginia for 2 and a half weeks. He was different. It’s like in a way he didn’t even want to spend time with me or be near me. I felt like shit the entire time we were there.
Once we came back home he went onto Virginia for AIT (job training) and I went back to my dad’s. In between him moving from job training to his duty station, we also moved. My brother had moved in with us so we moved to a nearby city that had a much better school system.
After AIT he was back in Georgia for his duty station. It was around this time we hit the one year mark. So for the most part of our first year together, he was away.
About 6 months into our second year together he was still gone and we were settling into our new house. That summer he attempted to convince me to leave home and move in with some of our friend’s so that I could get out on my own. (MISTAKE.) It was also around this time that I an ex girlfriend of his contacting me that he had paid for her to go visit him. LOL I’M SORRY WHAT?! Yeah. (I’m gonna make this part short.) Apparently he wired her some money (she sent a super blurry picture of the receipt) and she went to visit him. Yes, she told me AFTER the fact. I looked into his account and yes, there was a charge of exactly $100. He claims he was out doing field training and left his debit card with his roommate so he could buy groceries. It’s rare you hit an even number like that unless you are splitting the bill, and second, if you’re wiring money there will be an extra charge. He denies it all and she knew way too much or it to be fake. So who knows.
Anyway, even after that I still decided to leave home and move in with my best friend and her boyfriend. (again…MISTAKE!) You know, “fresh start” and all that mess. *eye roll* I moved, got a job, and he helped me pay my share of the bills and came to visit every other weekend or so. (He wound up being stationed about 2 hours from me.) We moved in with them to help with bills and all because their other roommates had just flaked on them. And let me tell you this, you really learn a lot about people once you live with them. Living with my ex brought out the worst in me. I have never been so angry at someone in my life until we started somewhat living together. I’m talking about pure rage. We would argue all the time, but still stayed together because even after all that we still loved each other. Things also escalated past arguing..I’d throw things. And this isn’t just me, he would do things as well, but his was more emotional. I was not abusive to him but I can’t say the same about him towards me.
A few months after living with them, it was November of 2012 actually, his uncle died. He has cancer and didn’t think he was going to be able to come home for the funeral and all but he was able to. It was around Thanksgiving so he just got a little longer break. It was during this time that he brought it to our (mine and his family) attention that he was getting out of the Army. That’s right, after just one year he bitched out. Apparently he had shin splints or whatever and used that as his excuse for a medical discharge. His family was not pleased at all and as his girlfriend, I supported his decision no matter what. On one hand he had this good thing going for him and on the other I was somewhat glad I didn’t have to deal with the Army anymore. So by Christmas he was out of the Army for good. He moved in full-time with us and sat on his fucking ass collecting unemployment. Essentially it was my pathetic part-time check somewhat supporting our end of the deal.
February rolls around and our lease is up so we decided to get our own separate places. They had an easier time finding something because her boyfriend made way more than we did. We couldn’t find anything that was decent with a decent price. Eventually we did find something. It was a little shack of a house that was $325 a month. It had 2 bedrooms, a super tiny bathroom, a living room, and a “kitchen.” It was small and I hated it. I loved having my own space but I hated that house.
Shortly after we moved in he actually got off his ass and got a job and I found out that I was pregnant. Again, his true colors showed. He did not want this child. He called his mom crying asking her if there was anything we could do about it. (yet again, leaving home was a MISTAKE.) So here I was in a house I hated, pregnant with someone who ungrateful and worthless, and feeling more alone that I ever had.
After our two-year anniversary I was really starting to feel all the “joys” of early pregnancy. I was sick..oh my god I was sick!! He was still sorry. We got so behind on bills, I don’t know where his money was going, but it wasn’t to bills. It was still like I was trying to support us with just my small paycheck. It got rough. I was paying what bills I could and trying to buy groceries with the money I has left. If living in that house like that taught me anything, it was how to budget and shop with little to nothing.
A few months in I fell into somewhat of a depression. It was starting to weigh heavy on me that I had no money to buy things for my baby that I really needed to stock up on. I hated always being so broke, I hated feeling like I was getting no where. He wasn’t growing up. He wasn’t helping like he needed to.
By October I was getting more and more nervous. We had no money, we had nothing. Looking back, we wouldn’t have made it with this baby living like that. We would be living on the street or something. There is no way we could have lived that way with the way he was with his money. So we decided to move back to my hometown. Our friends (that we were previously living with) had recently moved back and were, yet again, trying to get us to move in with them to help them out and give us some help as well. So we did. As behind as we were, I went. Four weeks later I had my baby and went to stay with my mom at my aunt’s house. I didn’t go back. I stayed. I didn’t want to live like that anymore. It was hard but by the time we were together for three years, I found a job and was supporting me and the baby on my own.
The whole time after the baby was born we barely saw him. He was always “too broke” to come see us or help out with him. My mom, my aunt, my grandparent’s, and even my 17-year-old cousin was helping take care of my child when my money ran out. Do you know how much that hurts? I am so very grateful for the help during that time but I really wish he would have just helped. I begged him at times to just give me his paycheck so I could help him budget so we could see where his money was going. But he wouldn’t. So when I started back working I just did it myself. A few months later we moved from my Aunt’s house to my grandparent’s (where we currently still are). This is much better on us. It was quieter and we have more room. Still, his visits became few and far between. It got to where I was giving him money from my little paycheck for him to come see his child.
This is where my feelings started dipping out. After being away from someone like that, feelings can sometimes get a little muddled. And mine did. Here we were three years in with a child and he couldn’t help me out by getting us our own place. Not to mention this is where my mother really started hating him. Everyone used to love him but I guess once he started spending less and less time with us and he wasn’t helping financially either, people cared less about him too. Including me. I hated what he had become, what we had come to. Every night after work I would just lay in bed and think about what was wrong with me. Why was I feeling this way?
I had finally just had enough. I was feeling like there was more out there for me. So I told him. I ended it between us, or well, attempted to. It was like every time I tried to break things off he knew how to reel me back in. He promised me that he would come by more often, give me money to help buy his diapers and things, even brought up marriage. He knew that’s what I had wanted more than anything, and it seemed right, but in the end it wasn’t enough. I was told of more things that he was doing behind my back while he was living elsewhere. It just helped make the decision easier on me to just do my own thing. So I did.
I threw away three and a half years of my life and it was the best decision I could have made. Link and I are so much better off without him. Sometimes it hurts to be without someone who I shared so much of my life with, someone that I have a child with, but if you truly knew what he was like, you would understand. To top it all off, the last time he saw Link was the day after his first birthday party. Nearly two years ago. He doesn’t ask about him, doesn’t offer to help pay for any of his expenses, so fuck him. He’s been blocked on all social media and he’s changed numbers so I don’t have to worry about that either.
So that’s that. That’s the story of my ex. That’s how I got to where I am today. And honestly, I couldn’t be more thankful for being led to make the decision to leave him. We aren’t struggling financially anymore, I’m not listening to anyone’s lies anymore, and most of all, my son doesn’t have someone coming in and out of his life. ♥