As promised in my last post, I am making a post delving into how my wasted weekend went. Word to the wise, grab a snack, this may be a long one…
A few months back I was asked to go out-of-town with a friend of mine. We had been talking a bit and reluctantly I said yes. I requested the weekend off of work and instantly got excited. This was my first time ever having a weekend thing with just a guy and myself. We decided that this would be a great way to see how things would go between us and decide if we wanted to take it further. The plan was for us and another couple to go to Jacksonville for the Georgia-Florida game. I was super excited! I would get to meet a few new people, have some adult time, and go to my first ever SEC football game!
Flash forward a few weeks and they decide to cancel. The other couple backed out, so we were going to do the same. He had until October 16 to cancel the reservations. I got a little down because I got all excited for this new experience. It had been over a year since I last saw him and now nothing. So, I told Mom I wouldn’t need her to watch Link anymore and let my boss know I wouldn’t need that weekend off either. Not even three days past the 16th and he messages me letting me know he got busy at work and wasn’t able to cancel, so now he’s either got to go or is out $200 from the hotel. So, I request off again, this time a little more frustrated, and make sure my Mom is still able to watch Link for me.
So, all goes well, the week is finally here and at this point plans have changed multiple times. He’s even mentioned a few times that he doesn’t even want to go, and is only going because he wants to see me and I’ve requested off work already. By now I’m growing more frustrated. I don’t understand why you are asking me to go somewhere and then keep mentioning that you don’t even want to be there.
Fast-forward to this past Friday and it’s finally the day we leave. He picks me up and we head out. I ask what all we are going to do and he acts like he doesn’t know. We went from going to see the game, to not doing anything, then maybe watching it a bar, to doing nothing again. Once we are at the hotel he mentions that we’ll probably just leave the next day. Not only are his constantly changing plans bothering me, but he’s getting a bit annoying. He would not stop groping me and got really pissy when I wouldn’t have sex with him or really even touch him. Just because we had sex or whatever 6 years ago, does not mean we can just up and do it now. I’m on my period and I’m not doing it, sorry not sorry. (Please let me note that he was not actively forcing himself on me, it was more of a playful thing. I was not offended and did not feel that I was being sexually assaulted.)
As I went to sleep that night the only things I could think of was how this was not for me. I could not be with someone like this. I didn’t want someone overly touching me or all over me. I don’t like clingy. Maybe 6 years ago when we first dated I would have like clingy and someone taking a shower with me and all that mess, but not anymore. I like privacy. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone, who knows. I am firm in my belief that he is not for me and I am so glad I realized that.
My last post about the three things I have come to realize were all confirmed with his experience. I kept feeling lie I needed to apologize for the way I was acting or whatever. He called me shady for saying things through text message and not being able to “follow through” with any of it face-to-face. Automatically I wanted to “apologize” and come up with some reason as to why I was like that. As soon as I got home I realized that there was no reason as to why I should apologize for the way I feel. This was my first time seeing him in over a year, I’m sorry… <– this, this is what I’m talking about. Without even realizing I was saying it, I wanted to apologize for my feelings. I wanted to do that the whole time I was down there, but as soon as I got home I realized I shouldn’t have to. If you can’t be respectful of me and my views, then we more than likely shouldn’t even be together.
That brings me to the point of not going back to your past. If this weekend showed me anything it was that it isn’t worth going back to my past. Not only did this guy become a total flop, but my one important “fling” a few months back is now engaged after 6 short month of dating (I’m not going to be petty about it, his life, whatever), and my ex (Link’s “dad”) blocked me on Facebook. That last one is just humorous to me.
Anywho..I feel like I mostly rambled throughout this post more than anything, but it’s bothered me ever since we left that hotel.
I hope this at least gave you something to read for a bit. Here’s to hoping your weekend went a hell of a lot better than mine did. Stay strong, keep your head up. ♥