A Wasted Weekend.

As promised in my last post, I am making a post delving into how my wasted weekend went. Word to the wise, grab a snack, this may be a long one…

A few months back I was asked to go out-of-town with a friend of mine. We had been talking a bit and reluctantly I said yes. I requested the weekend off of work and instantly got excited. This was my first time ever having a weekend thing with just a guy and myself. We decided that this would be a great way to see how things would go between us and decide if we wanted to take it further. The plan was for us and another couple to go to Jacksonville for the Georgia-Florida game. I was super excited! I would get to meet a few new people, have some adult time, and go to my first ever SEC football game!

Flash forward a few weeks and they decide to cancel. The other couple backed out, so we were going to do the same. He had until October 16 to cancel the reservations. I got a little down because I got all excited for this new experience. It had been over a year since I last saw him and now nothing. So, I told Mom I wouldn’t need her to watch Link anymore and let my boss know I wouldn’t need that weekend off either. Not even three days past the 16th and he messages me letting me know he got busy at work and wasn’t able to cancel, so now he’s either got to go or is out $200 from the hotel. So, I request off again, this time a little more frustrated, and make sure my Mom is still able to watch Link for me.

So, all goes well, the week is finally here and at this point plans have changed multiple times. He’s even mentioned a few times that he doesn’t even want to go, and is only going because he wants to see me and I’ve requested off work already. By now I’m growing more frustrated. I don’t understand why you are asking me to go somewhere and then keep mentioning that you don’t even want to be there.

Fast-forward to this past Friday and it’s finally the day we leave. He picks me up and we head out. I ask what all we are going to do and he acts like he doesn’t know. We went from going to see the game, to not doing anything, then maybe watching it a bar, to doing nothing again. Once we are at the hotel he mentions that we’ll probably just leave the next day. Not only are his constantly changing plans bothering me, but he’s getting a bit annoying. He would not stop groping me and got really pissy when I wouldn’t have sex with him or really even touch him. Just because we had sex or whatever 6 years ago, does not mean we can just up and do it now. I’m on my period and I’m not doing it, sorry not sorry. (Please let me note that he was not actively forcing himself on me, it was more of a playful thing. I was not offended and did not feel that I was being sexually assaulted.)

As I went to sleep that night the only things I could think of was how this was not for me. I could not be with someone like this. I didn’t want someone overly touching me or all over me. I don’t like clingy. Maybe 6 years ago when we first dated I would have like clingy and someone taking a shower with me and all that mess, but not anymore. I like privacy. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone, who knows. I am firm in my belief that he is not for me and I am so glad I realized that.

My last post about the three things I have come to realize were all confirmed with his experience. I kept feeling lie I needed to apologize for the way I was acting or whatever. He called me shady for saying things through text message and not being able to “follow through” with any of it face-to-face. Automatically I wanted to “apologize” and come up with some reason as to why I was like that. As soon as I got home I realized that there was no reason as to why I should apologize for the way I feel. This was my first time seeing him in over a year, I’m sorry… <– this, this is what I’m talking about. Without even realizing I was saying it, I wanted to apologize for my feelings. I wanted to do that the whole time I was down there, but as soon as I got home I realized I shouldn’t have to. If you can’t be respectful of me and my views, then we more than likely shouldn’t even be together.

That brings me to the point of not going back to your past. If this weekend showed me anything it was that it isn’t worth going back to my past. Not only did this guy become a total flop, but my one important “fling” a few months back is now engaged after 6 short month of dating (I’m not going to be petty about it, his life, whatever), and my ex (Link’s “dad”) blocked me on Facebook. That last one is just humorous to me.

Anywho..I feel like I mostly rambled throughout this post more than anything, but it’s bothered me ever since we left that hotel.

I hope this at least gave you something to read for a bit. Here’s to hoping your weekend went a hell of a lot better than mine did. Stay strong, keep your head up. ♥

Advertisements

Here’s What I’ve Learned This Month.

So it’s been a while since I last posted. I’ve been in a slump with a lot of things and my past few weekends have been busy, and now I finally got a break so I can catch up. Being that October is nearly at a close, I figured I would share a few things that I have “learned” over the past few weeks. I’ll try to keep the length kind of decent, but don’t worry, some of them will have their own spin-off post. Lol

Now, without further adieu, here’s my list…

1) The Past is the Past for a Reason.  Long story short for me, sometimes delving in the past isn’t the best choice. If you dated someone and it didn’t work out then, chances are it won’t work out this time either. I thought trying to have another go with an ex (or two) would be good. I was comfortable with them, they knew me well, and I was pretty sure I, too, knew them well. However, things change, people show their “true” colors, and well, time doesn’t always mend things. There will still be faults, people change, and sometimes it’s best to leave the past behind you. I had a hard time realizing this until I got not one, but two doses of this. I had not one, but two guys who showed me that the past is not the way I should go, and I am very thankful for that.

2) You Don’t Have to Apologize.  Over the weekend I made this realization. Why am I apologizing for my thoughts and feelings? Chances are, whatever I said and did, was because I felt strongly about it. Now, if you didn’t mean to do or say something, then obviously, it’s nice if you do apologize, but I’m not talking about that. If you are standing up for what you believe in, why apologize? I shouldn’t apologize for my political views, for my thoughts and beliefs, for things that make me uncomfortable, or for not feeling the same way someone else does. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in!

3) It’s Okay to Let People Go.  Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to let someone go. They don’t have to be 100% toxic to us, they don’t have to necessarily be a “bad” person. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone, how well you know them, or how close you are to them. Once true colors show and you know that this person won’t be a match for you, it’s okay to let them go. This goes for others outside of the “potential partner” range. If there is someone you trust don’t see eye-to-eye with, or family members who only bring you down, it’s ok to let it all go. Everyone deserves a positive chance at life, and the best way to go about that is ridding your life of toxic people.

All three of these things have added up to someone I once again let into my life, and have realized that he is a no-go for me. I’m pissed it caused me a wasted weekend and 2 missed days of work, but well, how else would I have known? I’m thankful for these realizations now as I’m sure it saved me a lot of hurt and regret later on down the road.

Here’s to a brand new me and no more looking back. ♥

Here’s to 25.

Normally I don’t post on Saturdays, but since today is my birthday, I figured today was a pretty good one to clear my mind.

Today I turned 25. I’m officially halfway through my 20’s. I’m closer to 30 than I’ve ever been. Today, I should be all kinds of giddy, but instead, I have this overwhelming bittersweet feeling.

I’m 25. Where did the time go? What have I done with my life? Why do I feel so stuck?

Here I am. I’ve got a shit job, I still have no degree, no love interest, no place or car of my own. I’ve got Link and well, that’s pretty much it. He makes me whole and gives me light when I’m in complete darkness, but I still feel empty. I feel like I should have more purpose in my life. I’m at a dead-end right now. I’m in a slump and hell, I don’t know.

When I was younger, I thought I had it all figured out, all planned out. I wanted to graduate, start college, graduate college by 22, be married by 24-25, and have children by 27. But, yet again, here I am. I’m 25 and so far the only thing I have accomplished is graduating high school, starting college, and having a child. Sure, that may seem like a lot to some, and in reality it is, but at the same time, I’m only part of the way to where I want to be.

The beginning of my 20’s was terrible. I was in an awful relationship, I had no idea where my life was going (still don’t), I was trying to live on my own (and somewhat failing), I wasn’t in school or even trying to go back, and I was partially miserable. Fast-forward to 25 and I’ve somewhat picked up a lot of those broken pieces from that shitty relationship, I’ve gotten almost finished with school, and I’m raising a sweet little boy on my own.

25 is my chance to get my life where I want it to be. While I can’t go out and skip town and do something crazy (I’m a mother after all), I can make a lot of small adjustments. First up is to take life one moment at a time. There’s always something constantly needing to be done, especially when it comes to being a mother and student, so I want to learn how to make more time for myself. Even if that means just simply taking a bubble bath one night after work or sitting outside reading while Link plays.

I want to live and love freely. I want to show the world how amazing and independent I can be. I want someone to acknowledge that and love me for it. There is so much more to me than looks and personality. I want to be more carefree. At times it’s hard to look past other’s comments and concerns, but I have to remind myself that it isn’t their life and I could give a shit less about their opinions. I’ve also got to get a grip on my emotions. I need to learn to manage my anger. I need to manage stress more and learn to radiate happiness.

All in all, I’m determined to make this the best damn year I can for not only myself, but for Link, too.

Here’s to 25 being the change I’ve needed. ♥

Why I Only Wash My Hair Once a Week.

Hey Loves ♥

Yes. I only wash my hair once a week. If you’re like most people, you’re probably thinking that I’m totally disgusting. I promise, I have valid reasoning for it. Keep reading and I’ll give you all of my reasons why.

Long Hair Means Tangles.  If you haven’t noticed in some of my  outfit posts, I have pretty long hair. Not only is it a bit long, it’s also rather thick. (Thanks, Dad.) My hair has always been easy to tangle and get knotted up. One hair flip the wrong way could end up in a mess of knots and tangles. It sounds crazy, but my hair is so bad about that. The less I wash it, the less I have to brush through it. (Let me note here, that this is one place that I need to work on — after watching several YouTube videos about others who only wash their hair once a week, they brush their hair every night and I do not.) Anyway…regardless of what I do in the shower, how well I brush it out beforehand, and how I put it up in the towel (or if I even do), it *still* gets incredibly tangled. I usually just suck it up and brush it out, but the tangles make it worth not washing til the end of the week.

I Wear My Hair Up Anyway.  I work as a cashier in a pizza restaurant so naturally, I have to wear my hair up. If I have to wear it up anyway, then there isn’t too much of a point to wash it every single day. After a few days (2-3) my hair starts to get a bit oily on my scalp. When going to class, I find other ways to wear it. Sometimes I just throw it into a bun, but other times I’ll look up some hairstyles on YouTube and pray my dry shampoo looks okay. I’m generally okay with wearing it down for class the majority of the week. I usually keep it straight Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday I may curl it and then it’s ok for a curly ponytail. It isn’t until Thursday that it looks pretty rough when down, so that ponytail works for me. (The curls help keep it cute.)

My Hair Stays Healthier.  Washing your hair so often is quite damaging actually. I have found, since limiting the amount I wash it, that it looks so much healthier. My split ends aren’t nearly as bad (it also helps to get regular trims). I also highlight my hair, which is mostly bleach anyway, so not washing it that much helps keep those looking great as well. When my hair has been colored, I found that the color stayed so much longer being it wasn’t continuously being washed out.

In The Shower.  You may be wondering what I use to wash my hair with being I only use it once a week. I actually only use my regular shampoo and a hair mask/deep conditioner treatment. My shampoo is the Herbal Essence Long Term Relationship and the conditioner I use is a hair mask type thing by Suave. When using heat on my hair (which is rare), I use the Aussie heat protecting spray and usually some sort of shine serum.

What I Need to Work On.  So, as I mentioned before, I have a few things I need to work on when going about my hair washing and all. First, I need to keep it brushed regularly. I think that would eliminate a lot of the tangles, especially before wash-day. Second, I need to work on my ends. They tend to get a bit dry and damaged looking. (I don’t use heat to dry, and rarely straighten or curl it.) I also need to get better grade products. I’m just using Herbal Essence and Suave. I know it may not help 100%, but a better line of products may make it just that much healthier.

 

I hope this made a little bit of sense to you when it comes to my hair washing. If anything happens to change, I’ll be sure to give an update.

Have a wonderful week! ♥