Normally I don’t post on Saturdays, but since today is my birthday, I figured today was a pretty good one to clear my mind.
Today I turned 25. I’m officially halfway through my 20’s. I’m closer to 30 than I’ve ever been. Today, I should be all kinds of giddy, but instead, I have this overwhelming bittersweet feeling.
I’m 25. Where did the time go? What have I done with my life? Why do I feel so stuck?
Here I am. I’ve got a shit job, I still have no degree, no love interest, no place or car of my own. I’ve got Link and well, that’s pretty much it. He makes me whole and gives me light when I’m in complete darkness, but I still feel empty. I feel like I should have more purpose in my life. I’m at a dead-end right now. I’m in a slump and hell, I don’t know.
When I was younger, I thought I had it all figured out, all planned out. I wanted to graduate, start college, graduate college by 22, be married by 24-25, and have children by 27. But, yet again, here I am. I’m 25 and so far the only thing I have accomplished is graduating high school, starting college, and having a child. Sure, that may seem like a lot to some, and in reality it is, but at the same time, I’m only part of the way to where I want to be.
The beginning of my 20’s was terrible. I was in an awful relationship, I had no idea where my life was going (still don’t), I was trying to live on my own (and somewhat failing), I wasn’t in school or even trying to go back, and I was partially miserable. Fast-forward to 25 and I’ve somewhat picked up a lot of those broken pieces from that shitty relationship, I’ve gotten almost finished with school, and I’m raising a sweet little boy on my own.
25 is my chance to get my life where I want it to be. While I can’t go out and skip town and do something crazy (I’m a mother after all), I can make a lot of small adjustments. First up is to take life one moment at a time. There’s always something constantly needing to be done, especially when it comes to being a mother and student, so I want to learn how to make more time for myself. Even if that means just simply taking a bubble bath one night after work or sitting outside reading while Link plays.
I want to live and love freely. I want to show the world how amazing and independent I can be. I want someone to acknowledge that and love me for it. There is so much more to me than looks and personality. I want to be more carefree. At times it’s hard to look past other’s comments and concerns, but I have to remind myself that it isn’t their life and I could give a shit less about their opinions. I’ve also got to get a grip on my emotions. I need to learn to manage my anger. I need to manage stress more and learn to radiate happiness.
All in all, I’m determined to make this the best damn year I can for not only myself, but for Link, too.
Here’s to 25 being the change I’ve needed. ♥