Happy Hump Day! ♥
As I was scrolling through my daily Facebook memories this morning I came across 2 posts from 6–SIX!!!!!–years ago. (Side note: damn, how time flies!) It was between a girl I was super close with after high school; my then best friend. Reading those sappy little best friend posts got me thinking. I miss the hell out of those days. There isn’t a day that goes by where I’m not thinking of how things used to be and wondering what it would be like if those people were still in my life.
I like to think that so far in my life I have had 3 best friends:
- My best friend from 6th grade to 12th. — We were still friends through the rest of high school and even after we graduated but had a falling out at the end of Senior year and it never felt the same between us. It sounds like a bad break up but that’s what it truly felt like. Fast forward to almost 5 years or so and we barely speak to each other, we live in different towns and have our own lives to live.
- My best friend at the end of senior year — I loved this girl to death. She was one of the girls in our little group that I wasn’t too sure of at first but grew so close with. We stayed relatively close for the end of Senior year and up until we had been out of school for almost a year. Some things happened with BF #1, my high school ex-boyfriend, and the guy I had currently been dating, and we all went our separate ways. (Side note: the guy I was currently at that time is the same guy that I’ve posted about several times, he’s the one who moved away that I gave the accidental silent treatment to…)
- My “current” friend. — I met this friend my first round of college, we had actually went to high school together but she was a year ahead of me. Around the time the disaster happened with the other 2 friends, we got close. We had a class together and met up for lunch one day, then boom. Instant connection. Fast forward to now and we’re still pretty good friends aside from the fact that she’s the one with feelings for my ex…
That brings me to this: are best friends even a thing? Do they truly exist? Looking back on my list they seem to have all failed in some way or another. Do I just have shitty taste in friends? Is there something wrong with me? Am I a bad friend? (I’ve been accused of being a “bad friend” before…in fact that’s when BF #2 and I kind of went our separate ways for good. Apparently a mutual friend of ours thought so because when BF #2 had issues/problems I “talked about myself too much.” LOL)
I don’t want to be without friends but at the same time, clearly something is wrong with each friendship. — BF #1 didn’t like that I hung out with my high school ex (I can see that, I really needed to move on). BF #2 didn’t like how I offered advice (sometimes the best way for me to explain what I meant with certain things was to give an example using past experience). BF #3 has feelings for my ex (I could rant for days on that).
I don’t know, ya know. Sometimes I feel like my life is in shambles, or that I’m seriously lacking a group of friends. I’ve come to like being a loner honestly so maybe I’m doing just fine. The constant throwbacks on Facebook just get to me sometimes. I guess it just reminds me of how good things felt back before we really had any responsibility, before my life went down a spiral, before I had to really be on my own.