It’s Odd.

I’ve thought about how to start this for at least an hour. I thought, perhaps I should apologize for my unannounced leave of absence, or maybe I could just straight pour my heart out…but none of that felt right. So, I don’t know. Maybe I should just start somewhere…

Earlier today a friend of mine stopped by. He had forgotten that he needed to pay me for a few decals I made him…irrelevant, really. He came by and we were chatting a little, I brung up something from work, about one of my coworkers. He thought I was talking about the usual girl who works on my shift, but I wasn’t. He then proceeded to make a comment about this guy being bummer because she had a girlfriend. The same guy who I have sort of developed a small crush on… That’s when a few things dawned on me.

It’s odd how easily someone can develop some kind of crush on someone else. It started by my brother’s constant nag at me about getting a boyfriend..picking really. He keeps bringing up one of the guys that lives down the road from us, someone I went to high school with. He’s make little jokes that he’s single and this and that. I would just brush it off. Honestly, if he’s interested he can hit me up himself. But the more it sat in my mind, the more often my brother brings it up, the more I sort of developed this little crush on him. And then today, finding out that he has some kind of crush on my ex-druggie co-worker. Which brings me to the next point…

It’s odd. I never get hit on at work. Unless you count drunk guys. Married drunk guys. *sigh* It’s not that I’m too much bothered by it, maybe it’s the hormones right now, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt just a little bit. If there’s a cute guy that comes in, they almost always hit on my co-workers. Never me. Every other female in that store has a significant other, except me. So why don’t I get the same attention?

I also find it odd that people will ask if I’m married (probably just for conversation) and be shocked when I reply no..and that I don’t even have a boyfriend, or so much as an interest in anyone – not really my fault I guess. But if they’re single they don’t comment, it just gets a little awkward. Yeah, I’m single, thanks for reminding me. “You’re too pretty to be single.” Yeah, well apparently not pretty enough to get any attention. So whatever.

Maybe it isn’t even about the attention. It just puts me down a little..makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. Do I look miserable? Too fat? Not attractive? What is it? It obviously can’t be because of where I work..everyone else is hit on.

I’m sorry if it seems petty, just some late night thoughts I guess. Next time my brother brings him up I’ll be straight up like, “I doubt he has interest in me.” And leave it at that. I’ll just keep waiting for someone I guess. Maybe it’ll happen.

It’s okay, just a little odd.

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